You will be hearing from us shortly

 You feel adequate to the demands of this position?
 What qualities do you feel you
 Personally have to offer?
                                        Ah.

 Let us consider your application form.
 Your qualifications, though impressive, are
 Not, we must admit, precisely what
 We had in mind. Would you care
 To defend their relevance?
                                        Indeed.

 Now your age. Perhaps you feel able
 To make your own comment about that,
 Too? We are conscious ourselves
 Of the need for a candidate with precisely
 The right degree of immaturity.
                                        So glad we agree.

 And now a delicate matter: your looks.
 You do appreciate this work involves
 Contact with the actual public? Might they,
 Perhaps, find your appearance
 Disturbing?
                                        Quite so.

 And your accent. That is the way
 You have always spoken, is it? What
 Of your education? We mean, of course,
 Where were you educated?
                                And how
 Much of a handicap is that to you,
 Would you say?

                Married, children,
 We see. The usual dubious
 Desire to perpetuate what had better
 Not have happened at all. We do not
 Ask what domestic desires shimmer
 Behind that vaguely unsuitable address.

 And you were born--?
                                        Yes. Pity.

 So glad we agree.

by U. A. Fanthorpe (1929-2009).

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6 Responses to “You will be hearing from us shortly”

  1. Do not read physics now. The entire physics is going to change soon. Read mathematics instead to prepare for the new physics beyond EINSTEIN,NEWTON,BOHR AND WRONG STANDARD MODEL ETC ETC ETC.

  2. Thanks for posting this. I had forgotten about Fanthorpe yet really enjoyed the poem about George and the Dragon

    http://english.emory.edu/classes/paintings&poems/uccello.html

  3. telescoper Says:

    Sorry about the small font, by the way. I had to do that to ensure no line breaks appeared….

    • One of my favourite jokes: Once, at a thesis defense, the defendant put up the first slide (back in the days when they were real transparencies; today, there might be a workaround) with an extremely small font. He played it cool and waited a few moments for the audience to think whatever they wanted to about not being able to read his presentation. Then he smiled and replaced the slide with one with a font of proper size.

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