Cardiff University Christmas Lunch Special

The publication of Cardiff University’s new Alcohol and Drugs Policy recently circulated to staff as reported in last week’s Times Higher will require some changes to be made to forthcoming Christmas parties. In particular, we note that the new policy does not allow staff to

consume alcohol or illegal drugs while at work, except at approved functions where such consumption has been formally authorised by the Head of School / Directorate or nominee

so we regret that alcohol will no longer be served at staff Christmas lunches. However, thanks to special authorisation,  we can announce various enhancements to the menu, which will now be as follows:

Christmas Menu




Foie Grass

Garlic Magic Mushrooms

Quaalude Eggs

Thai Sticks


Main Courses


Coke au Vin

Pot au Foil

A Selection of Joints

(served with Greens, Beans and Herbs)

followed by

Cold Turkey




Hash Brownies

Crystalmeth Pudding




Christmas Crackers (containing real Crack)

Dollies, Jellies, Candy and Ices

(with Munchies to follow)

Party Poppers


I hope the above menu proves satisfactory but if not please send your suggestions for additions through the comments box.

9 Responses to “Cardiff University Christmas Lunch Special”

  1. Anton Garrett Says:

    That will cost some LSD, but it should keep you all in ecstasy.

    Whoever wrote that policy’s no dope.

  2. Anton Garrett Says:

    Music: Cockaigne Overture (Elgar).

    Will this menu give anybody acid?

  3. Anton Garrett Says:

    Better crack on with it! Will any heroine be there to inspire people?

    • telescoper Says:

      I hope the kids resist the temptation to horse around, otherwise they might get a smack from their parents.

  4. Anton Garrett Says:

    That would really put you on the MAP.

  5. Robin Becker Says:

    How about doing away with the Foie Grass? Geez. Do you people live in the dark ages? Do you know what it is? Do you know the suffering birds endure just so you can have some fancy dish at your lunch? You are a college – how about educating yourselves.

  6. telescoper Says:


    Is this some exceptionally clever piece of double irony?

    In case it isn’t, let me point out says Foie Grass, not Foie Gras. It’s obvious to the meanest intelligence that this, and the rest of the menu, is meant to be a *joke*.

    I don’t have garlic on my magic mushrooms either.

    Perhaps you could try acquiring a sense of humour.

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