Cardiff University Christmas Lunch Special
The publication of Cardiff University’s new Alcohol and Drugs Policy recently circulated to staff as reported in last week’s Times Higher will require some changes to be made to forthcoming Christmas parties. In particular, we note that the new policy does not allow staff to
consume alcohol or illegal drugs while at work, except at approved functions where such consumption has been formally authorised by the Head of School / Directorate or nominee
so we regret that alcohol will no longer be served at staff Christmas lunches. However, thanks to special authorisation, we can announce various enhancements to the menu, which will now be as follows:
Christmas Menu
—•—
Starters
—•—
Foie Grass
Garlic Magic Mushrooms
Quaalude Eggs
Thai Sticks
—•—
Main Courses
—•—
Coke au Vin
Pot au Foil
A Selection of Joints
(served with Greens, Beans and Herbs)
followed by
Cold Turkey
—•—
Desserts
—•—
Hash Brownies
Crystalmeth Pudding
—•—
Extras
—•—
Christmas Crackers (containing real Crack)
Dollies, Jellies, Candy and Ices
(with Munchies to follow)
Party Poppers
—•—
I hope the above menu proves satisfactory but if not please send your suggestions for additions through the comments box.
October 7, 2009 at 5:32 pm
That will cost some LSD, but it should keep you all in ecstasy.
Whoever wrote that policy’s no dope.
October 7, 2009 at 5:39 pm
There may be some omissions owing to the speed with which I was writing.
October 7, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Music: Cockaigne Overture (Elgar).
Will this menu give anybody acid?
October 7, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Your choice of music sounds like it’s not to be sneezed at.
October 7, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Better crack on with it! Will any heroine be there to inspire people?
October 7, 2009 at 7:15 pm
I hope the kids resist the temptation to horse around, otherwise they might get a smack from their parents.
October 7, 2009 at 10:40 pm
That would really put you on the MAP.
October 29, 2009 at 8:18 pm
How about doing away with the Foie Grass? Geez. Do you people live in the dark ages? Do you know what it is? Do you know the suffering birds endure just so you can have some fancy dish at your lunch? You are a college – how about educating yourselves.
October 29, 2009 at 10:47 pm
errr…
Is this some exceptionally clever piece of double irony?
In case it isn’t, let me point out says Foie Grass, not Foie Gras. It’s obvious to the meanest intelligence that this, and the rest of the menu, is meant to be a *joke*.
I don’t have garlic on my magic mushrooms either.
Perhaps you could try acquiring a sense of humour.