Late Arrivals at the Statistician’s Ball

I’m in a frivolous mood this Sunday morning so I thought I’d have a go at stirring up a bit of audience participation. Taking my cue from I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue, please let me announce some of the late arrivals at the Statistician’s Ball. Your contributions are also welcomed…

Ladies and Gentlemen may I introduce:

Mr and Mrs Ear-Regresssion and their daughter Lynne Ear-Regression

Mr and Mrs Thmetick-Mean and their son, Harry Thmetick-Mean

Mr and Mrs D’arderra and their son, Stan.

Mr and Mrs Layshun and their daughter, Cora

Here’s Mark Offchain and his friend Monty Carlo

Incidentally, the food this evening will be served at your table free of charge; there’s a “Buy no meal” distribution…

Mr and Mrs Rating-Function and their daughter, Jenna.

Mr and Mrs Mentz and their daughter, Mo.

Mr and Mrs Al-Distribution and their son Norm.

Mr and Mrs Variate and their daughter Una; she’s still single, by the way…

Mr and Mrs Otis and their son, Curt

Mr and Mrs Pling-Bias  and their son, Sam

Mr and Mrs Inal-Probability and their daughter, Marge.

Mr and Mrs Over and their daughter, Anne Over.

Mr and Mrs Mogorov and their son, Carl. I’m sure he’ll want to try out the vodka. Hey Carl Mogorov! Smirnov test?

Mr and Mrs Fordslaw and their son, Ben.

Mr and Mrs Knife and their son, Jack.

Mr and Mrs Motion and their son Ian (who’s just back from a holiday during which he got a very deep tan), yes it’s Brown Ian Motion.

Mr and Mrs Rage and their daughter, Ava.

Mr and Mrs Sprier and their son, Jeffrey Sprier.

And now we’re joined by royalty. From the distinguished house of Ippal-Components, here’s Prince Ippal-Components.

Mr and Mrs D’alscoefficient and their son, Ken.

Here’s the Hood family with their particularly amiable son, Lee. I’m sure you will like Lee Hood!

Mr and Mrs Gale and their son, Martin.

Mr and Mrs Imum-Entropy and their son, Max.

Mr and Mrs Spectra and their daughter, Polly.

That’s all I’ve got time for at the moment, but please feel free to offer your own suggestions through the box below…


18 Responses to “Late Arrivals at the Statistician’s Ball”

  1. telescoper Says:

    “Puns are the highest form of literature” – Alfred Hitchcock.

  2. Chris Brunt Says:

    Mr and Mrs Gao, and their daughter, Xian.
    Mr and Mrs Skwaird, and their son, Kai.
    Mr and Mrs Dent-Steetest, and their son, Stu.
    Mr and Mrs Reese-O’Friedem, and their son, Doug.

  3. Bryn Jones Says:

    Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Babbillitty-Densetty and their daughter Prue.

    Mr. and Mrs. Dorandum-Nummber and their daughter Sue.

    Mr. and Mrs. Seeann-Distribushonn and their son Guy.

    Mr. and Mrs. Paggayshonnov-Errurs and their daughter Prue.

    Mr. and Mrs. Skwairs-Fitt and their son Lee.

  4. telescoper Says:

    I forgot to mention the Tist family with their daughter Gwen. She is such a strange girl they sometimes call her a freak, Gwen Tist.

    • Chris Brunt Says:

      Oh, that’s harsh. Gwen suffered terribly after the wrongful imprisonment of her brother Quinn, and has been leading the campaign to free him. You may have seen the slogans. Quinn was arrested in Switzerland for singing the Witch Doctor song and in the subsequent and controversial “Berne OO-EE Trial” there was no accounting for his lack of priors. (I’ve heard the judge was a tosser.)

  5. telescoper Says:

    Before dinner, Grace will be said by Prior Denis Itty.

  6. Bryn Jones Says:

    Please welcome Mr. Allisissov-Varyanns and his wife Ann.

    Here come Mr. and Mrs. Leyshon, closely followed by their daughter Corral.

    Please welcome Kurt Ohsis.

    Mr. and Mrs. Innall-Probabilitty and their doubtful daughter Marge.

    It’s Mr. and Mrs. Mentabout-Themeenn and their daughter Mo.

    • telescoper Says:

      I think your first one usually goes under the pseudonym of Anne Over; and the next three I did already!

      • Bryn Jones Says:

        Ah, yes, I see I did repeat some of yours, but mostly in different forms. That presumably shows the limited possibilities for new jokes on the theme.

  7. Chris Brunt Says:

    Announcement on this evening’s musical entertainment: at the request of the Quist-Shannontheorems (who live in a nearby field) tonight’s band will be limited. They’ll be sending over their son, Nye, to check on this at regular intervals. (Though it’s possible he may visit more frequently, under an alias.)

  8. And now they’re serving the fish course – lovely French cuisine here, all freshly prepared, you can’t call the Poisson processed.

  9. Introducing Mr and Mrs Bennett-that’s-never-a-three-sigma-result and their son Gordon Bennett-that’s-never-a-three-sigma-result.

  10. telescoper Says:

    Mr and Mrs Formly-Random and their daughter, Una

    Mr and Mrs Row-Skedastic and their daughter, Hettie

    Mr and Mrs Sparradocks and their son, Bertrand

  11. Oh, and apologies from those who missed the ball due to unpredictable circumstances…
    Mr. & Mrs. Series and their son Tim.E. Series
    Prof. Trallimit-Theorem and his son Ken Trallimit-Theorem
    Mr & Mrs. Osferry and their daughter Kay Osferry
    Mrs. Probability and son, who got delayed finding some parking bays, Ian Probability

    As a concilation they have been sent copies of our ever popular statistical film “Bring Me the Heads or Tails of Alfredo Garcia”, and a copy of Jane Austen’s lesser known,and rather clumsily titled novel on the chances of finding a husband in the early 19th Century “Prob & Probability”..

  12. Tom Shanks Says:

    At risk of repetition: The very posh Mr and Mrs Leyton-Function and their inebriated daughter, “10-pint” Corrie.

  13. And 50 years from now, how many of them will still be around? Remember: Old statisticians never die—they just get broken down by age and sex.

  14. Anton Garrett Says:

    Mr and Mrs Sision-Theory and their daughter Dee.

    Mr and Mrs Pling-Theory and their son Sam.

  15. telescoper Says:

    The Rameter family, complete with their exemplary father figure, model Pa Rameter.

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