My Even Newer Theory of the Universe

I have decided this evening to unveil my new cosmological theory.

My previous work  was based on the idea that the Universe was obtained from the Swedish furniture and home accessory emporium IKEA. This “Easy Self Assembly” hypothesis dispenses with the need for creation from nothing, and also accounts naturally for the observed geometry of space (it came in a flat pack).

My subsequent study of this scenario has focussed on properties of the Universe that can’t be explained in the earlier version of the theory, specifically  the cosmic microwave background. However, making my supper just now I suddenly hit upon the answer to that particular puzzle. Clearly, wanting to achieve the best results possible, on his/her way back from IKEA the Divine Creator stopped off at Marks and Spencer …

13 Responses to “My Even Newer Theory of the Universe”

  1. Bryn Jones Says:

    The “allergy information” on the label states that the product “contains fish”.

    Presumably the product was a fish?

    • telescoper Says:

      No. In fact it was Thai Green Chicken Curry.

    • Bryn Jones Says:

      Chicken curry contains fish?

      • Steve Warren Says:

        It’s the nam pla – Thai fish sauce used to flavour many Thai dishes, made from anchovies and very salty.

      • Bryn Jones Says:

        I see. That makes sense. I had wondered why some Thai curries taste the way they do.

      • telescoper Says:

        I had assumed the peculiar taste was accounted for by it being made from Green Chickens

      • Anton Garrett Says:

        The pack says it’s made from cats (D and E).

      • telescoper Says:

        The other annoying thing is that you have to “remove sleeve” before putting the thing in the microwave. I’ve ruined so many shirts for the sake of a quick supper…

      • Anton Garrett Says:

        Another ambiguity: “Sweaters may be worn.”

    • I’ve checked my sardine tins (I like sardines) and they do indeed say “Contains fish”. Who would have thought it?

      The tins do seem to be less full than I remember as a child,a very long time ago. The fish are no longer packed like, er, sardines. Could this be another aspect of cosmological inflation?

      • Bryn Jones Says:

        Some bars of soap I bought on one occasion were labelled “suitable for vegetarians”. Yum.

  2. telescoper Says:

    I note that 3 minutes is about right for the synthesis of the light elements in the early Universe. However, according to my calculations, 850W may be inadequate to achieve nuclear fusion.

  3. This is not just any cosmological theory…

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