The ties that bind..

The other day I saw a post on Facebook from an American friend which referred to the wearing of a `necktie’. I’ve always been confused by this word, largely because I’m not aware of many other examples of words combining an item of clothing with where it is worn on the body. As far as I am aware neither `headhat’ nor `footsock’ nor `legtrousers’ is a word. Presumably the prefix `neck-‘ is added to `tie’ in order to specify where the tie is to be worn, either because the wearer might not otherwise know or because there are different kinds of tie to be worn elsewhere on the body as is the case, for example, with `cockring’.

But where else would one wear a tie other than around one’s neck?

Thinking about this problem led me to the related issue of why (hopefully) soon-to-be-former President of the United States of America, Donald Trump wears such long (neck)ties:

I believe I have an answer to both puzzles. Trump wears an extra-long tie because it’s actually a bellytie, meant to be worn around the waist to keep the legtrousers from falling down. It needs to be extra long because Donald Trump is excessively corpulent. Obviously he only puts his bellytie around his neck when in public, and has some other arrangement to keep his legtrousers up in that situation. I suspect he might wear suspenders.

You may find this all a bit trivial but I post it here for the benefit of British readers whose country will soon be forced to grovel at Trump’s feet for the luxury of being allowed to import chlorinated chicken from America and to be charged higher prices for prescription medicine. You will need to learn the proper vocabulary pronto if you want to fit in with the new order of things.

2 Responses to “The ties that bind..”

  1. ‘What a beautiful belt you’ve got on!’ Alice suddenly remarked. …. ‘At least,’ she corrected herself on second thoughts, ‘a beautiful cravat, I should have said — no, a belt, I mean — I beg your pardon!’ she added in dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she began to wish she hadn’t chosen that subject. ‘If only I knew,’ she thought to herself, ‘which was neck and which was waist!’

    Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothing for a minute or two. When he did speak again, it was in a deep growl.

    ‘It is a — most — provoking — thing,’ he said at last, ‘when a person doesn’t know a cravat from a belt!’

  2. It’s not visually pleasing from the point of view of proportionality, but an overly long tie may have some advantages: if you’re wearing a cockring and your flies are accidentally open, for example.

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