Brexit Fisheries Update

It seems that the talks between the United Kingdom and the European Union on a future trading relationship remain deadlocked, the sole remaining issue being that of fisheries, more specifically on the allocation of fish quotas – a topic known in France as the Poisson Distribution. The British angle is that they expect a net reduction in access by EU fisherman, if you catch my drift.

I’m not really a dab hand at fishing and wouldn’t bream of pretending to be an expert, so this isn’t really the plaice to go into detail. The following is just a quick summary obtained by trawling about online. Obviously the talks themselves are behind closed dories and are all very huss-huss.

A ray of hope emerged yesterday when a rumour circulated that the British side had offered concessions, but this turned out to be a load of pollocks and the British are still insisting that in these negotiations they hold all the cods. I suspect those involved are now pouting angrily at each other. It’s undoubtedly a tench situation.

Although it would be brill if a deal were reached, it still looks more likely that the talks will flounder. With time running out, it seems the whiting is on the wall. If they are going to make an agreement they’ll certainly have to get their skates on.

My own view is that by flexing their mussels like this the British are behaving in a rather shellfish manner. From what I’m herring, some people think they are doing this just for the halibut and they want to have their hake and eat it.

Now I’m off to get a haircut. If I don’t do it before the post-Christmas lockdown I’m in danger of ending up with a mullet.

Emmanuel Mackerel is 43.

7 Responses to “Brexit Fisheries Update”

  1. Thanks Peter, gave me a much-needed laugh this morning!

  2. Phillip Helbig Says:

    Puns are the highest form of literature.

    —Alfred Hitchcock

  3. Anton Garrett Says:

    A very fishy commentary! But who am I to carp…

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