Archive for Clerihew

Return of the Clerihews!

Posted in Poetry, The Universe and Stuff with tags , , on August 2, 2009 by telescoper

As a result of an after-dinner discussion at the meeting I attended last week, I’ve decided to put a revised cosmological clerihew collection back online. I’ve removed or edited those that caused the greatest offence, and added a few new ones.

Bernard Carr
Has gone a bit far:
His Anthropic Principle
Makes theories invincible

Sean Carroll
Has me over a barrel
Because the only plausible rhyme
Plugs his new book on Time

The mind of John Barrow
Is not very narrow:
He’s more open than me
To a variable c

Stephen Hawking
Lets a machine do the talking
But even  he can’t vocalize in-
side a black hole horizon.

Joe Silk
Is one of that ilk
Who writes far more articles
Than there are elementary particles

Matt Griffin
Has healthy salad for tiffin
But he’d probably expire
If something went wrong with SPIRE.

Peter Ade
Would never be afraid
To enter his name
In the citation game

Andy Lawrence
Would shed tears in torrents
If they finally got rid
Of the Astrogrid

Steve Maddox
Never eats haddocks
But he’s quite a dab hand
In the optical band

Ofer Lahav
Is awfully suave
But must be getting nervy
About the cancellation of funding for the Dark Energy Survey

Joao Magueijo
Was on the Today Show
Talking some shite
About travelling faster than light

Keith Mason
Said to Lord Drayson
“Can we have some more money?”
He replied “Don’t try to be funny…”

Andrei Linde
Felt rather windy
A peculiar sensation:
The result of internal inflation?

To rhyme Carlos Frenck
I’ve drawn a complete blenk
But I found in the lexicon
A good one for Mexican

When Andrew Jaffe
Plots a new graph he
Thinks fits his theory he’ll
Tell everyone at Imperial

Paul Steinhardt
Said “Lust not after beauty in thine heart”
But why he did so
I really don’t know

Feel free to offer your own through the comments box, after consulting the rules, although I remind you I don’t accept anonymous comments, even if they’re funny.

Cricketing Clerihews

Posted in Cricket with tags on July 22, 2009 by telescoper

Undaunted by the ructions caused by my previous attempt (now removed) to have a bit of fun by posting a few clerihews, I’ve decided to try again but this time the target is cricketers.

Please keep them polite, unless they’re about Australians. Bonus points to anyone who manages one about Ben Hilfenhaus. Here are a few to get you started:

If you see Nathan Hauritz
Starting to glower, it’s
Because a humdinger
Hit his right index finger

Andrew Flintoff
Was man-of-the-match by dint of
Some excellent bowling
Well worth extolling

Peter Siddle
Went for a piddle
And when he came back
He’d quite lost the knack

Alastair Cook
Likes to go for the hook
But when it’s more full
He goes for the pull

Andrew Strauss
May have raised a few doubts:
It was well worth a shout
But should have been “not out”..

Michael Clarke
Batted well in the dark
But looked like a chump
When he lost his off stump

Michael Hussey
Is not very fussy
Whether he edges or nicks
Or just wallops for six

Philip Hughes
Can never refuse
An offside dab
That the slips might just grab

Marcus North
Bravely marched forth
To face the England attack
But very soon marched back

Graham Onions
Bowls like he has bunions
But let there be – please –
A bowler called Cheese