Today is the day we have to endure Comic Relief, an event which happens mercifully only once a year. The idea is to raise money for charity by doing something funny. If only.
I’ve also recently been persuaded to part with £30 to buy a ticket for the annual Physics Ball, organized by Chaos (Cardiff University Physics student-staff society). In the light of this I thought I’d add yet another item of debatable comic value to Comic Relief. My old friend Bryn Jones and I have been taking a leaf out of the I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue book of appalling puns.
Without further ado, therefore, it gives us great pleasure to announce the late arrivals at the Physics Ball:
Mr. and Mrs. Sirquashens and their son Maxwell
Mr and Mrs Rowave and their son Mike
Mr and Mrs Ofmotion and their daughter Constance
Mr and Mrs Destate and their son Solly
And from Ireland, Mr and Mrs O’genesis and their son Barry who has brought his two pet newts (Ron and Reno).
Mr and Mrs Yabatick and their daughter Ada.
Mr and Mrs Dardtemperatureandpressure and their son, Stan.
Mr and Mrs Hertz and their son Terry.
Mr and Mrs Avolt and their energetic daughter Meg
Mr and Mrs Persymmetry and their daughter Sue
Mr and Mrs Mentum and their daughter Mo.
Mr and Mrs Sticity and their daughter Ella.
Mr and Mrs Ryovrelativity and their son, Theo, who has a successful career in the military, yes it’s General Theo Ryovrelativity. He’s brought a couple of friends too: Chris Toffle-Cymbals and Joe Desick. Oh, and have you met Rick Tensor?
Here’s Mr and Mrs Zeinstein-Condensate with their son Bo.
Mr and Mrs Gular-velocity and their daughter Anne.
And now we have Mr. and Mrs. Ihilation and their destructive daughter Ann.
Here are Mr. and Mrs. Barr and their highly pressured daughter Millie.
Mr. and Mrs. Farparticull with their son Al.
Mr. and Mrs. Diantflucks and their bright son Ray.
And the coach party has arrived from Ireland with Mr. and Mrs. O’Moshun and their important son Newt Onslow.
Mr. and Mrs. O’Lissforss and their daughter rotating daughter Kerry.
From the Institute of Electrical Engineers we have Mr. and Mrs. Arrsirkitt and their pulsating daughter Elsie.
We now have Mr. and Mrs. Rectcurrant and their son Dai.
Mr and Mrs Hair-Theorem and their son Noah.
Mr and Mrs Mix and their daughter Dinah
Mr and Mrs Clotron and their son Si
Mr and Mrs Yaolis and, doing her best to circulate, their daughter Cora
Mr and Mrs Daze-Lore and their Daughter Farrah
From the Ruritanian principality of Energee we have Prince Ippilocon-Servashun of Energee.
Mr. and Mrs. Jeenslaw and their far-from-energetic son Ray Lee.
Mr. and Mrs. Minnusflucks and their bright son Lou.
Mr. and Mrs. Litonian and their dynamic son Hammy.
Mr. and Mrs. Shuoffheet-Capassitees and their son Ray.
And more arrivals from Ireland: Mr. O’Savar-Law and his attractive wife Bea.
Mr. and Mrs. O’Watt and their powerful daughter Meg.
Mr. and Mrs. O’Particull and their petite daughter Nan
Mr and Mrs Ear-accelerator and their daughter Lynne
And although I don’t think they were invited here are Mr and Mrs Osoficklenonsense and their son Phil along with Mr and Mrs Logicaldistraction and their son Theo.
And a definitely unwelcome are Mr and Mrs Thropic-principle and their daughter Anne
Sorry you can’t come in wearing those jeans. You might not like it, but we do have a Jeans criterion.
Mr and Mrs Ittifluctuation and their son Dennis
Mr and Mrs Punovexponent and their rather chaotic daughter, Leah
Mr and Mrs Stransition and their daughter Fay
Mr and Mrs Trope with their children Polly and Barry.
And we now welcome Mr. and Mrs. Way-Veckwashunn and their canny daughter Inga; that’s the shrewd Inga Way-Veckwashunn.
Mr. and Mrs. Broywavelength and their daughter Deb.
Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Noldsnumber and their turbulent son Ray.
And now it’s Cabaret time!
First we’ve got sensational pop in the form of singer Larry Tee, followed by a quick burst of Pump up the Volume, folllowed by Norwegian artist Lars Kattering, then chillout with the smooth background sounds of The Three Degrees and ending up with a number of fading stars performing Back to Black.
For those of you wanting something more traditional, we’ve got folk music by The Spinors.
Mr. and Mrs. Helmholtz-Instability and their unstable son Kelvin.
Mr. and Mrs. Tensor and their son Richie
From Wales, Mr and Mrs Menshanalanalissis and their son Dai
Mr and Mrs Eyelength and their daughter Deb Eyelength
Mr and Mrs Notanotherloadofbolloxaboutstringtheory and their son Gordon Bennett Notanotherloadofbolloxaboutstringtheory
Mr and Mrs Dingo-Flyte and their son Ben
From Norway, Mr and Mrs Tableorbit and their son Lars
Mr and Mrs Sonscattering and their son Tom.
Mr. Skelleration and his rapidly moving wife Constance.
Mr. and Mrs. Vennspeed and their son Alf.
And the Welsh electrician, Dai Electric.
From Germany we have Herr Diffraction and his wife Frau Enhofer Diffraction.
Mr. and Mrs. Offslaw and their electrical engineer son Kirk.
Mrs and Mrs Ginvariance and their daughter Gay
Mr and Mrs Terry-Matrix and their daughter Una
And here is Solly, the only member of the Ton family who could make it, but then he always comes on his own
Mr and Mrs On and their daughter Kay and son Barry
Mr and Mrs Roscopic-quantity and their son Mac.
Mr. and Mrs. Moment and their bipolar son Dai Paul.
Mr. and Mrs. Covraydiashonn and their glowing daughter Cherry Ann.
Mr. and Mrs. Arisation and their son Paul.
Mr. and Mrs. Onsprinkippiah and their very important son Newt.
Mr. and Mrs. Cannsoyldropp-Experryment and their very practical daughter Millie.
Mr. and Mrs. Sonnmorlie-Experryment, and here comes their son Michael with no positive result.
Mr. Menterryparticalls and his fundamentally important wife Ellie.
Mr. and Mrs. Swelldeemon and their problematic son Max.
Mr. and Mrs. Defect and their slightly spolit daughter Crystal.
Mr. Formmotion and his constant wife Una.
And here are the Tonn children with their father Newt, and their father’s unmarried sister Prue – that’s Auntie Prue Tonn.
The coach party has arrived from Wales, with Mr. and Mrs. Nammicks and their fast-moving son Dai.
Mr. and Mrs. Vergance-Theorem and their son Dai.
Mr. and Mrs. Oolie-Ekwayshonn and their son Bernie.
From America, Mr and Mrs Chure and their spaced-out son Cosmic Tex Chure
Mr and Mrs Wurld and their son Brian
Mr and Mrs Theory and their Daughter Emma
and here are the Structive-interference family, with brother and sister Des and Connie
Mr and Mrs Medes-Principle with their son Archie
Mr and Mrs Fishalsatellites and their son Artie
In a bit of a whirl here’s Mr and Mrs Currants and their son Eddy
From Germany, Mr and Mrs Duranium and their son Heinrich
Mr and Mrs Photon and their son Virgil
Mr and Mrs Velocity and their typical son Aramis
Mr and Mrs Gadrowsnumber and their daughter Ava
Mr and Mrs Experryment and their son Jules
Mr and Mrs Psimeson and their son Jay
Mr and Mrs Dington-Limit and their son Ed.
Mr. and Mrs. Eslaw and their son Charles.
From the Institution of Electrical Engineers we have Mr. and Mrs. Acksialcabell and their shielded son Carl.
We are pleased to receive Mr. Tennar and his wife Ann.
And from the Science and Technology Facilities Council we have their chief accountants, Mrs. Nanshall-Dissastar and Mr. Jettery-Kayoss: that’s Fi Nanshall-Dissastar and Bud Jettery-Kayoss.
Mr. Motiff-Forss and his magnetic wife Elektra.
Here from the left come Mr. and Mrs. Saslaw and their charged son Guy, and in the opposite direction their son Len.
Mr. and Mrs. Annicall-Annerjee and their son Mike.
Mr. and Mrs. Tamass and their son Rhys.
Mr. and Mrs. Statickpotenshall and their daughter Elektra.
Mr. Jenner-Ait-Annerjee-Levell and his wife Dee.
Mr. and Mrs. Mental-Constance and their humorous, light-hearted son Dai. That’s fun Dai Mental-Constance
Feel free to add more via the comments if you get the idea! The more excruciating the better…