The England Cricket Team – Another Apology

I’m sure that I wasn’t the only person who reacted to England being bowled out for a paltry 67 in the first innings of the Third Ashes Test at Headingley by concluding that the England batsmen were hopelessly inept, that they would certainly lose the match, that the team had absolutely no chance of regaining the Ashes, and that Joe Root should be sacked as England captain.

But after their subsequent one-wicket victory in that match inspired by Ben Stokes, I thought I was wrong, and apologised unreservedly to Joe Root and the England team for having doubted their ability.

Now, after being comprehensively outplayed at Old Trafford, losing by 185 runs, and allowing Australia to retain the Ashes I realise that my previous apology was incorrect, that England’s cricketers are actually inept, and that Joe Root should indeed be sacked as England captain.

I hope this clarifies the situation.

Boris Johnson is 55.

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The Ashes Retained

I’m back home after a few days’ enforced absence. Don’t worry – nothing too serious! As soon as I got in I nervously switched on the radio to find out the score in the 3rd Ashes Test Match at Old Trafford. To my relief that stalwart of English cricket – The Weather – had intervened in decisive fashion. “Rain stopped play” never sounded so sweet..

It was just as well, actually, because England’s batsmen were struggling along at 37 for 3 chasing a formidable total of 332 to win (or, more realistically, trying to survive all day to secure a draw).

Anyway, with England 2-0 up going into the 3rd Test, this result means that England retain the Ashes; the best Australia can hope for now is that the series of 5 Tests will end 2-2 and in such a case the side holding The Ashes keeps them.

Commiserations to the Australians, though. They batted and bowled much better in this game and without the interruptions for rain and bad light would probably have won.

So do I feel guilty that England keep the Ashes because of the rain? Not at all. Test cricket is played outside, over five days. The changing weather and condition of the pitch have always been part of the game. If Australia had won, would anyone have asked them if they felt guilty that they won the toss? By batting first they had by far the best of the pitch and the weather. Rain is part of the game and long may it remain so. Especially if it plays for England.

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