Archive for unsolicited letters

To my own correspondents…

Posted in Biographical, The Universe and Stuff with tags , on November 26, 2012 by telescoper

So. Today I finally finished a stack of things I should have done weeks ago, including compiling the teaching timetable for next semester (when I won’t even be here) Anyway, that means I can now move onto the next stack of things that I should also have done weeks ago, after I’ve finished marking the batch of 100 second-year coursework scripts sitting on my desk. There’s no rest for the <insert appropriate adjective>.

Anyway, it’s now just a couple of months before I shuffle off the coil of Cardiff, and the enormity of the impending move becomes more apparent every time I go into my office and observe the quantity of books and papers filling the groaning shelves. Today, however, I made a decision that will make moving simpler: I decided to ditch all the drawer-loads of correspondence marked “Other”, i.e. all the unsolicited letters and manuscripts I’ve accumulated over the years about “alternative” theories of cosmology and whatnot. Here’s an example:

I can’t really make head nor tail of this one, but sometimes have a vague feeling that it might just be a sort of cosmic Rosetta Stone, offering up the Secrets of the Universe in diverse languages. Sadly, however, it’s more likely that the languages involved are Balderdash, Gibberish and Gobbledegook.

I regret to announce, therefore, that the plethora of papers telling me why Einstein was wrong, how the Universe is really in the shape of a spiral, how the Great Pyramid of Giza explains the Higgs Boson, and why the Big Bang couldn’t have happened, will have to go to the Great Shredder in the Sky (if that’s where it is).

Anyway, to all my correspondents all I can say is that I’ve enjoyed reading your letters – you must be very fond of your old typewriters – and I’m grateful for the time you took to draw the diagrams by hand in so many lovely colours. And I’m impressed by your qualifications as Electrical Engineers. Really. I’m sorry I didn’t reply to you all individually, but I just didn’t have the time. And now it pains me to realise I don’t have the space either…